


Have A Jolly Holly

by Quandisa



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Car Sex, Christmas, Christmas Smut, F/F, Hand Jobs, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 16:50:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17247866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quandisa/pseuds/Quandisa
Summary: Reenie decides to help Zandy with her Charity and ends up asking about bigfoot and handjobs.





	Have A Jolly Holly

It had been 3 hours out in the chilly air with nothing but a hard chair and her phone. You’d think the furrow in her brow was from the boredom and discomfort, but her eyes kept a steady dance between the reflection and the woman herself. 

Her roommate had little in traditional feminine charms, but when you are a hormonal bisexual law student, almost anything looks good in a skirt that short.

“Donate to help a child today!” Cheered the one with a white braided pigtail wig, handing out flyers.

“Cash, or v-visit the website,” muttered the one ringing the bell. The same one with the peek-a-boo bangs, aqua eyes, and rounded thighs clad in peppermint stockings that went up into a bouncing skirt that stubbornly teased the hint of ass.

An elderly woman hobbled over with her cart.

“Well, bless my soul! The Jolly Hollies! How the time does fly! I saved a little back just to donate this year.” A few crumbled bills fell into the crimson pail to the chime of the bell.

“Thank ye, hark, harklily!” Cheered the ladies dressed like Santa's tasteful hoes.

“May we help you with your car ma’am?” Asked the wigged one.

“Oh, my! I’d love some help.”

That was her cue. The Jolly Hollies may work for the big man himself, but they still worked in pairs and a “helper.” So the horny blonde continued her sulk while walking with them, and helping the elderly woman with her bags.

The urge to tie that wanna-be elf up, tease her nipples with peppermint lip gloss and fuck herself on a thick cock simmered, like the impulse to poke a sore in your mouth. 

“I haven’t had to these much self restraint since I had to stop biting my nails,” she muttered has she returned to the other Jolly Holly.

“What was that, Reenie?”

“I said, “if that group of kids over there keeps leering they’re not going to have enough for bail,”” She nearly snapped.

“We’re covered head to toe, with gloves and hats. We’re practically nuns, what do you want?” Replied her roommate.

“I think it’s super cute!” The wigged one twirled.

“We even have a summer one for “Christmas in July” that’s strapless.”

“You haven’t missed a single on, have you Holly?”asked the bell ringer.

“Nope! I knew it was life’s calling! Being a Jolly Holly and doing the Lord’s work. I’m studying, so I can branch the program to other churches and do even more good! I got started when I was 3. Mom has a picture of me. I’m so adorable!”

“Zandy!” Whined Reenie, back on her picnic chair. “My feet hurt!”

“You’re not even standing!”

Holly giggled.

“The evening rush peters out in just another hour, then we can all enjoy my mom’s roast beef!”

“It’s not even Chanuka! Gah! Pearl followed me!” The blonde threw her hands up and then dropped them down to bury her chin in them.

“What?”

“She’s Jewish, with an overbearing-, um, Pearl. Reenie? How would you describe your relationship to Pearl?”

“The fresh meat she fillets to appease the lost love of her life,” now she was searching candy cane dildos. 

“Reenie! Well, it’s strange. Like Reenie. Pearl means well. She is a little standoffish.”

“Wow, I didn’t know Jews had such rich lives.”

“Atheist! I’m atheist!” This outburst shocked Holly, and caused Zandy to stomp her boot. 

“Born Jewish, converted to atheism. What’s the problem? You still observe the holidays!” 

“No! Mother makes me. Also, she doesn’t know about the atheism thing. I can’t tell her. She might die, and I’d be happy.” She was beyond caring about social graces, as she pressed into the edge of the chair.

“Look what happens without Jesus.” whispered Holly to Zandy, out of genuine concern. Zandy nodded. 

The foot traffic picked up, and they were overwhelmed. The bucket was filled, and even more people took the flyers. In a small town, most were happy to give what they could. Sadly, there weren’t enough Jolly Hollies to walk every generous soul to their car. Which suited Reenie just fine. A small portion of them was just waiting to smack that red polyester butt, which grew her ire. Mostly because that’s what she wanted to do. Being good was hell.

Of course, being done didn’t just mean being done. Oh no! They had to turn in the donations and leave the costumes. While Zandy had served her time in the Santa hat, someone else would need it, and worse comes to worse, she was signed up for the traditional male role of bodyguard. Naturally, Holly gushed about how she would be back spreading the cheer the next morning at a gas station. Reenie heard it all, standing outside the changing room. She didn’t need to be there, but the afternoon left her with the impression that all straight men were as horny and desperate as she was, thus, untrustworthy and capable of anything.

_ I just want tits, dick, or both. _ Her thumb scrolled through her messages to her recent ex, Maj. He was in France this year, probably being depressed with the rest of his family. He was a minute man, and a rotten lay, but nothing a cock ring and his hard torso couldn’t fix. Not noticing her slack jaw, a bit of drool escaped and had to be contained before reaching her chin.

Sadly, she wasn’t free to frolic in the ocean of free dicks. She was in a semi-committed semi-relationship. After an explosive, and strangely sexual confession from her prudish roommate of unknown orientation, they had agreed to try something. They weren’t clear on what. A permanent romantic or sexual relationship was never going to be on the table. They’re backgrounds were just too different. A boring life for a boring person and a-

“Earth to blow hard! We’re done. You were the brat complaining we were torturing you.”

“I am being tortured, and not in the good way,” Reenie muttered closing her phone.

Dinner was pleasant, but a lifetime of roast beef had soured the Jewish heiress. She nibbled out of the ingrained politeness but it was challenging her Only On Chanukah rule. The family was a mess. Holly only had one brother who was going through the terrible teens with bad screen addiction, neither of his parents would cease talking about it. Normally, a full stomach would cool her loins, but since she couldn’t stomach that much bread, she fell a little flat.

Afterwards they sat in Reenie’s care while Zandy checked in with her mother for safety and see if the house needed anything with their extra house guest.

“Okay, will do. Love you. Bye.

“We need bread and eggs, something Dru did. We can pick it up at the drugstore.”

“Good, I can pick up come condoms and then shove a roll of quarters into my coin purse. By the way I’m staying at a hotel tonight. Need some alone time.”

“Wait, what?!”

The blonde pulled out of the driveway and started in the direction of the last place so could remember.

“You wouldn’t understand.” Her sorta girlfriend/roommate had the sex drive of comatose snail.

Without something to lower her blood pressure, she turned into a foul mouthed road rager. Honking, gesturing, and gunning green lights, she was a horror. As soon as she parked, her door was opened and slammed. Zandy flinched, but stayed in place. The door was yanked open. 

“Are you coming, or what?!”

“Are you really going in there for,” she lowered her voice as her eyes darted around, “family planning?”

The blonde’s face was deadpan.

“No, condoms. Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!” She announced to the parking lot. “I knew you were one of limp wrist chicks that think it’s the dude’s job to get the rubbers. Well, you disgust me! Want the ride, but don’t want to pay the fee! Now are you coming?!”

The mortified law student had slid as far to the floor as the seat belt would allow.

“Not if you’re going to be like that! We just need a loaf of bread and a dozen eggs.”

“Fine!”

Reenie stormed away, and screamed, “condom!” at someone trying to return their redbox rent.

Zandy tried to slap the red out of her face so she could calmly assess her current predicament. Reenie was...randy, maybe pms. So why not just ignore it? Zandy hated it when her roommate was right. She couldn’t understand. She never had that problem. Yet, her friend had a problem, and as a friend she should help. It was the decent thing to do.

“Bitch should just keep it in her panties,” she told the mail box in front of her.

Dating was hard.

When Reenie returned her mood had not improved, apparent by her muttered curses and fondness for “birds.” The road born nightmare was born once more. The car gunned threw the third pinkish light when Zandy sighed.

“Can we talk?”

“You got vocal chords don’t you?” 

“You’re right, I don’t understand what you’re going through. So explain it to me.”

“How do you explain food to a immortal alien?”

“Well, you’re the great Zareen “Supreme Blow Job Queen” Diamond. You’ll manage.” 

“Feh, I hate it when you’re right.” The blonde rested her head on her fist. “Why do I have to be so amazing?”

Zandy’s eyes rolled so hard she thought they would roll out and across her lap.

They rode in silence for a few moments.

“You know how you get worked up over your zit vids?”

It was an embarrassing relaxing habit she had. Just medial videos of cyst removals or acne treatments. They hadn’t talked about it since the night Reenie had walked in early from a date and caught her red handed while she was being rather vocal.

“I-I recall.”

“Yeah, so it’s like you come home, stressed, and you start watching them and, the tech keeps missing that one big and then the video ends and you start with that adorable grade school cussing of yours.” 

Good thing she was driving, Zandy wasn’t in the mood for explaining how the heater had forced color to her cheeks.

“That’s very frustrating. It’s hard to unwind after that.” She muttered into her scarf. 

“Yeah, well, that’s me. I sat in a chair that was rough on my neck and watched a bunch bad videos.  _ Hours _ worth.”

“Are you pmsing?”

“No! Wait, I mean, yes.”

The brunette leaned on her fist. 

“Turn right at the second street.”

The turn was made. 

“Go down to Bluebonnet and turn right.”

“Hey this is taking us away from the highway. Aren’t we going to your house?”

“Yeah, just keep going.”   Zandy continued to give directions into wilder, and wilder lands. Buildings aged and the dry branches grew closer to the road as if to snatch at passersby, until Zandy finally directed them into a driveway to a complex of empty offices.

“Are you going to mug me? This place looks abandoned, and tacky. The chrome look is so twenty years ago. At least mother keeps the office up to date.”

“Shut up,” Zandy snapped as she undid her seat belt, and unlocking her door.

“ Hey! Where are you-?” She watched as her passenger exited and then tried to get into the back to no success until Reeie unlocked the doors. “What are you sick? You can’t puke in my car. You even try and you’re banned for life.”

“Get back here!”

“Why? Did you drop something?” Out of curiosity, she took her car keys into the back seat. “ I don’t see anything.”

Simply leaning in wasn’t good enough for the irate law student, so the front of Reenie’s jacket was yanked until the blonde was fully seated and  safely behind a locked door.

“Watch the buttons! It’s like you want to grab my boobs!”

“I thought you wanted me to grab your boobs!”

“Well, if you’re gonna grab ‘em, grab them!” The bulky leather jacket and said breast presented for fondling. However, Zandy’s hands seemed glued to each other.

“I can’t!”

“Why not?!” 

“You’re watching!”

“So you want to grope me when I’m not looking?”

“No! It’s just-!” She cried in frustration and grabbed the blonde’s shoulder and crashed their lips together in her over eager, but indelicate manner that broadcasted her level of romantic expertise. Reenie had to pulled away to avoid bruising. What she found, as a very embarrassed cutie who couldn’t look her in the eye, but was fingering the hem of her shirt. 

“Hey, if we’re going to make up, I’m sticking my hand in my pants and making one bean salad.”`  

“Pft, well, the idea was to help you out?” Zandy answered the bewildered look. “ I don’t understand it. Not in the least, but in the end it really doesn’t matter. I want to help my friend. And don’t give me a lecture. Living with you is like having a sex ed teacher going over consent laws like it was her last mission before retiring. So, just help me help you.” 

“Okay, alright. A little motor check in the back. We can do that.” Reenie cupped the brunette’s cheek, slid her fingers through her short locks using her nails to scratch her scalp and gently pressed her lips against the other’s. Coaxing the sensitive tissue to seek out herself while her free hand roamed the covered and bulky curves of Zandy’s form. Things were going great until she tried to slip her tongue in at the time she went to cup a breast. Zandy pulled back, glowing like Rudolph’s nose.

“No! We’re not-! This isn’t-! I don’t want-!”

“It’s like you’re writing some sort of poem. All the SeXy Things I Didn’t Say.”

“Well, I’m trying! We’re just going to take care of you right now!”

“So I can’t steam your clams?”

“No!” She wasn’t already looking pretty steamed.

“I can’t fluff your pillows?” Reenie found a new game to play, and was trying to get her prey to lean back onto the seat.

“Definitely not!”

“What if I just tongue your scallops?”

“I have no clue to what you are referring, but the answer is a negative!”

“How can you say know if you don’t know what it is?” A hand on her thigh was giving her a little leverage, but as close as she moved her face, all she was accomplishing was fogging up Zandy’s large, round glasses.

“You’re amorous in the backseat of your over priced car; I don’t need to know to understand the connotation.” She stated stubbornly. “Now, you. I can’t-. We can’t-. There’s no protection, so that limits us.”

“Protection? I bought condoms. Oh! You mean dams! Oh, yeah. Figured you’d be all, “Blah, blah, blah, family! Blah, blah, blah Jesus! Yap, yap you’re a walking fuck hole with no self control and your mom is hot, or whatever, so I didn’t bother. Travel too much with those things and you risk rubbing a hole in them.”

“You think what I say is mindless dribble?”

“No? Look, my first boyfriend said my mother was hot, and ever since then I would have nightmares that people would think she was hotter than me and then I’m left alone with a hard on.”

“You should talk to a professional about that. At least you can’t have a dream like that with me.”

“Yeah, that’s right.” She didn’t think this was the time to talk about the nightmare she had during their first semester together. “ Okay, so if it's my muffin getting butter How do you want to do this?”

“I don’t know,” muttered Zandy, still trying to keep up her nerve. “ Perfectly without you talking.”

“Hmm,” Reenie shifted in her seat. “ Guess a good old fashion reach around work since this place is creepy and I’,m waiting for a hobo to come murder us at any minute.

“ There isn’t any hobos, just bigfoot.”

“Bigfoot, you say?” She turned sideways and opened her jeans, “ Does he give handjobs?”

“Shut up, I’m trying not to think about it.” She too, turned sideways, sitting on one leg to make room for her girlfriend who snuggled in close.

“What a shame. I’m committing all of this to memory to write down later.” Since Zandy’s hands had taken up residence in places other than herself, she guided one down to the front of her underpants, and the other she played with, knowing the woman was a nervous wreck and needed a distraction. 

“You won’t. You hate writing.” She rested her head on Reenie’s shoulder to keep watch of what was happening.

“Everyone such have a sex journal.” Using her own hand she showed how to press into the moist slit, and use the palm to rub circles into the pubic bone. She used so much pressure she was afraid of crushing the thin, long hand. But a Diamond likes it rough and hard. Once she had demonstrated what was to be done, she let go and hooked her arm behind Zandy’s head.

“You’re not going to worry your lip again, are you?”

The slight suction release sound told her the question was belated.

“No.”

Reenie sighed as the hand in her pants rubbed with a touch too much hard.

“If you chew your lips it will be suspicious. You normally chew your pens. Give me your blade, baby.” she nibbled what parts of Zandy she could reach. 

“You’re going to distract me!”

“From looking like a mess, that’s the idea.” For some reason, her temple was particularly kissable this afternoon. Although the sun was already setting, dropping the temperatures and fogging up the windows nicely.

“Don’t, you’re going to get me all worked up. I just to go home and have dinner.” She went a little faster keeping an up and down motion, and keeping her fingers a little too stiff.

“Mmm,” the blonde pressed her hips up, trying to figure out what to do with her mouth when all it wanted was to be on the blue eyed beauty. “I’m going to have to take points off your lesbian card. Lesbians will always prefer to eat out with their girlfriend than dine in with family.” 

The musk of her sex was wafting up and filling the car.

“If either one of us was a lesbian that would be twice offensive.”

“You’re not a lesbian yet?” She groaned knowing penetration would guarantee quick satisfaction.

“I could be, if I wanted.” She pressed down with a bruising force. 

“That’s not how that works, Blueberry.” Since she was on a snuggle banned, she gave up and wormed her way down to her knickers, wiggling the fabric aside. She gasped as fingers dipped in before she was ready to stick in her own.

“What?!”

“What? What are you doing?!”

“I thought you wanted me to!”

“I didn’t think you would! Are your hands cleans?”

“Of course!”

“Well, how should I know?! I didn’t think you’d been giving me a reach around in the car, so how do I know you wouldn’t stick it in dirty?!

“Fuck! More!”

“You ass! If I wasn’t such a good person-!” She pressed four fingers in and arched them, not really knowing what else to do besides in and out. Reenie slipped her hand down to the swollen nub and work herself back up, using her leg to push against the floor into the fingers penetrating her.

“Zandy Claus, bringing orgasms to all the bad girls and boys.”

“Shut up!” That thrust was a little deeper and the visitor liked it. She leaned forward against the door.

“Well, shut me up! Use your dirty talk.”

“Big mouthed, inconsiderate,” the pace increased and the silken walls flirted with the fingers with mounting frequency. “Horny, bratty, spoiled-”

“That’s it, baby,” moaned Reenie. “Just a little more!”

“Someone needed to take you over their knee and spank you when you were a punk child! Maybe then you wouldn’t be the disgrace of an adult now!”

A little bolt when through her and she was finished. She slapped the hand in her hole away so she could clean up and enjoy the small afterglow. Once everyone was cleaned with the auto wipes Reenie kept in the glove box. 

“Hey, Zandy,” Zandy never liked that tone. “Do you want to spank the degenerate out of me?”

Cars are famous for not having enough room or air.

“Why! Why!” She stuttered.

“ You’d probably hurt yourself, as all my jogging has left it pure muscle. But you can still try if you want.”

“How-! How-! You!”

“I know. I’m so generous. But I thought I’d return the favor. You’re always going on about it. Clearly it’s a fetish or kink or something. Oh dear,” she sighed over dramatically, “Wittle Zandy is developing a deviant sexual appetite for-”

“You whore! No one could possibly remove the corruption from you as it’s so deeply embedded into your soul it taints everything you think and say!”

“As I recall I “embedded” you more than once.”

That was the last thing Reenie got to say as the drive to the Mutras was filled with Zandy’s manifesto against Reenies. 

***

_ The next morning. _

The family was out at a house of international repute for cakes fried in a pan. It was a squeeze, but they managed to fit around a table.

The youngest of Zandy’s brothers ask why Reenie was walking funny.

“Oh! Just some bruising. I sat on something the wrong way last night.” She cast a smug look over to the eldest Mutra who was escaping reality by downing the fresh boiling coffee.

“Oh, um, sorry about that,” Dru’s voice cracked all the time now, and he cast his eyes to the table. “So, um, do you like music?”

“Yup, hey Apa, how much do you charge an hour?”

That got a deadly side eye from her roommate.

The oldest boy tapped his water.

“For what?”

“Cooking, of course. Such a gift, and well educated. What is it going to take to get a box of your goodies once a month?”

“Shucks, you’re Zandy’s friend, all you have to do is ask.”

“This is a foreign  concept for me.” 

Then Dru squeaked a question of how Reenie learned French. 

Breakfast was filled with laughter, and waiting for overpriced food. The lads stayed to pay the bill as Mrs. Mutra followed Sophie to the powder room. Zandy insisted she needed air and Reenie to come with her. The back of the building was a brick wall overlooking a motel and and two parking lots.

“What was all that?!” Demanded the bespectacled law student.

“I think it’s called breakfast, but my lily pad was paining me so I’m quite out of my mind.” She leaned on her hands against the wall and spread her legs.

“Stop it! I-! You-! Only after the bed! You’re just being a massive PIMA! And don’t flirt with my brother!”

Reenie wiggled her ass.

“I wasn’t. But he should carry me. He is eighteen finally. A Zandy Clause helper after someone gets their bells jingled.”

“I’m going to deck your halls!” 

The ladies ran around the parking out until the rest of their party joined them.

**Author's Note:**

> See? I had something planned. I just ended up going to the E.R. for Christmas.


End file.
